Excursion of Darkness
by harrypotterlove
Summary: Draco Malfoy is having a difficult time dealing with becoming a Death Eater.
1. Despair

_This is my first ever fanfiction for Harry Potter. I am really interested in the story involving Draco and Snape and so this is about their relationship. It is also about some of the troubles Draco is going through in his sixth year at Hogwarts and his despair at becoming a Death Eater. This story contains self harm, so if this triggers you or it bothers you, consider reading another story. _

Draco Malfoy deep down was broken. Everyone seemed to consider him to be some insolent person who never considered other people's feelings. They just didn't understand.

'I can't live like this anymore…' Draco thought to himself as a tear passed down his face.

He felt so alone, so enclosed in a position he had no idea how to get out of. He didn't know who to talk to, his father was in Azkaban and he would see behavior like this a weakness. His mother, well she was concerned, but he did not want to show his feelings to her. He did not want to display he had weaknesses. He didn't want to seem like a fool.

At first becoming a Death Eater seemed like the thing to do. He did not know exactly why, but it just felt right then. He was going to be a part of something, where he could be able to prove himself…be good at something for once. He never was the great Seeker like Harry Potter, or the one with the brains like Hermione Granger, or even a good chess player like Ron Weasley. He felt so inadequate.

So here in the evening Draco was shedding tears in a seemingly abandoned bathroom. He did not really want to be alone, but sometimes he just did not know who to go to…He stayed here in this bathroom without eating or sleeping for days now. It seemed like no one noticed anyways.

Sometimes Moaning Myrtle would come and he could relate to her and how she too felt inadequate. Or how people did not see how she truly was like. No one seemed to know how Draco was really like besides the way he displayed himself. And at the same time, Draco did not want people to know how he really felt sometimes. He was afraid of what they would think. And sometimes he was just confounded.

Draco took out a razorblade he carried with him in his pocket. Under immense pressure, he felt like he needed to release it. And sometimes he felt like just punishing himself for what being such an imbecile.

He already had numerous scars from cutting. He liked them sometimes, and other times he strived so hard to hide them. Luckily, no one knew about it.

His wrist started to bleed more profusely. The deep, red looked lovely to him. He felt more vitally alive, and he felt he deserved the pain. He looked at the Death Eater etching on his wrist, and started slashing it, feeling disgusted at what kind of decision he had made.

Still, tears strung down his face liked beads of water trembling in the midst…

------

Severus Snape understood that Draco Malfoy was up to something. He had not been attending classes for now three days in a row, not to mention countless other times. He tried to meet up with him, but Draco would not arrive to any of the appointments Severus had made with him.

'Where is he?' Severus thought deeply.

He tried talking to his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, but being dunderheads who seemed to have no care whatsoever in their education or "friendship" with Draco they had no idea.

'They probably were more interested in what was being served for dinner' thought Snape.

Severus could tell that Draco looked like he had not been outside for days with his pale skin and its gray tinge, most likely had not ate for days, and although he was not ever an exceedingly great student, his performance had went from average to just short of failing.

Severus Snape did not like showing his students that he cared and was compassionate, for he felt they would take advantage of that and not work to their potential. He knew he was hard on them sometimes, but if no one pushed them then they would not be working to what they could work to. But right now he was worried about Draco and he was determined on finding him so they could discuss what was troubling him.

Harry Potter was strolling the corridors having completed most of his assignments. He was planning to visit Hagrid's cabin and see what he was up to. As he was walking, he thought he heard something. Having had awful experiences with a Basilisk talking to him in his second year through the corridors, he paused for a moment.

"No—don't do it! You're going to hurt yourself!" some shrill female voice explained.

It sounded just like Moaning Myrtle. But who on earth would be in that bathroom? No one used it…well besides him, Ron, and Hermione occasionally. But it seemed like whoever was in the bathroom was in peril.

Out of curiosity, confusion, and almost fear he went into the dingy, abandoned bathroom.

Only it was not empty. There in a corner by the sink was Draco Malfoy, holding something that looked sharp. There was a puddle of blood surrounding him, and Moaning Myrtle was trying to stop him. Being merely a ghost there was not much she could do.

"Malfoy! What are you—are you okay?" Harry asked quite loudly in shock.

"What is it to _you_ Potter! Get away, go find your Weasley friend and play with him!" Malfoy said with contempt quite weakly and he seemed humiliated in being caught. A glint of anger was apparent within his eyes for someone just barging in.

Moaning Myrtle started shrieking shrilly as she realized that more and more blood was beginning to pour out profusely. She even accidentally dropped one of the stone basins and it clunk loudly on the stone floor.

"Malfoy—you need to go to the hospital wing, you're bleeding!" Harry said frantically. He knew his affinity with Draco was not good, and although hostility was still held within him, he didn't want Draco to ever be hurt in such a way.

"Potter, just go away and leave me alone! I—I'll curse you!" Malfoy threatened Harry.

"Malfoy—" Harry was about to tell Draco he was not going the right way when he faltered upon hearing something.

Just at that moment, there was a creak of a door and Severus Snape entered the scene. Bewilderment and distress was etched all over his sallow face, as he quickly headed towards Draco, with his dark, billowing robes following him. He took no apparent notice of Harry even being there.

"Draco, let me see what is in your hand," Severus Snape said, trying to keep his composure, yet his tone was very serious.

"Get away! Trying to take something else from me? Well you can't! Stop trying to get involved in everything!" Draco said loudly, but at the same time tears were pouring down his face. His eyes were puffy and red…

_Please Review and tell me what you think. Thank you for reading. This story will hopefully be continued._

_--Jess_

"


	2. Revelation

_Hope whoever is reading this will enjoy this update. _

"Draco—" Snape was about to say.

But at that moment, Draco took out the blade from his palm. He knew that he probably would not be able to get away from this.

'If only Potter could have minded his own business!' thought Malfoy.

At that moment, Snape knelt down and picked it up quickly and used his wand to clean off the blood. He muttered some kind of incantation and it disappeared.

"Draco, show me your arm," Snape said motioning to his arm almost with what sounded like annoyance, but also worry.

Draco looked around the room trying to find some kind of escape. There were no windows, and only one door. But Snape was blocking it—if he made a run for it may he could get out.

As if Snape had just read his mind he said, "No Draco, do not even start to conspire about running away because it simply will not happen. Now show me your arm."

Draco started to shake his head in disapproval and began to quiver.

Snape sighed exasperatedly. Why did Draco have to be so difficult? He reached out to Draco's arm and with some force turned it over to where it was injured. Draco seemed determined to hide it. Snape took out his wand to temporarily stop the bleeding.

Snape looked back up at Draco's face and looked curiously at him. Still his face was unfathomable.

"You are going to have to go to the hospital wing. These scars may be permanent, but they can get better. Draco, come," Snape said.

"No! I'm not going. You can't make me do anything I do not want to do," Draco said with contempt, but he looked like a wreck still shaking.

"Draco, stop being ridiculous," Snape said though his face displayed no emotion whatsoever.

Snape held out his arm so Draco could take it as support. Something odd had happened then as Draco looked into Snape's eyes for a moment, and then took his arm. They walked out of the abandoned area, Draco holding his arm to his side.

---

"Professor, I can't go to the hospital wing! They'll—they'll see the Dark Mark!" Draco said as they left the bathroom.

"Draco, I assure you that I am aware of that, which is why you are going to have to come to my office. I can give you some dittany and help heal your wounds. I only said we were going to the hospital wing because Potter was there," Snape said with contempt when he said "Potter".

"Oh…" Draco said as if in a daze.

They arrived by Snape's office and he beckoned Malfoy to enter. Draco came in, and Snape followed into a room with many objects in different flasks and a black leather couch in the corner.

"Sit," Snape said pointing to the couch as he went among the objects to find something that would help Draco.

Draco did as he was told, still clutching his arm.

Snape found some dittany, bandages, and some type of potion and came forth to Draco.

"I am going to need you arm," Snape said as he set down his products.

Draco took out his arm from his clutch to make it plain in view. Snape took his arm, applied some dittany salve onto his arm and rubbed it in. Then he bandaged the wound together into a white encasement.

"You need to drink this, it will help the wounds heal," Snape said as he pulled the cork off the purple potion and poured it into a glass.

Draco did show showing a hint of displeasure upon drinking it. It obviously did not have the most appealing taste.

"Now Draco, I understand that recent events must have put quite a toll on you, but hurting yourself is not going to help the situation," Snape said with a tinge of compassion.

"I didn't hurt myself!" Draco said defiantly.

"Draco, you have not been the only person I have walked in upon during a situation like yours. I can tell when someone is hurting themselves, and I can help you," Snape said softly.

"I don't need your help! How many times to I have to tell you? I can figure this out myself!" Draco said.

"Well you certainly are not being cautious. Missing classes for now three days in a row, you are taking a risky plunge and you are facing expulsion if you do not change your habits. Let me help you with whatever you are planning," Snape said.

"This isn't about you. _I_ was given the assignment!" Draco said loudly.

"I am quite aware of the fact the assignment is yours. However, I must inform you that I am here to help you. Why were you injuring yourself today?" Snape asked in the same soft tone.

"Not everything is working out that great. I just—I'm having a difficult time," Draco said weakly trying to stifle the tears that were approaching.

"Have you been contemplating suicide?" Snape asked softly yet seriously.

"Sort of," Draco said quietly.

"You need help, Draco. I shall request that you come by my office every evening so we can talk. If you choose to not come I shall have to inform Dumbledore. Do I make myself plain?" Snape asked softly.

"Yes, but I do not need help!" Draco said loudly again.

"Draco, you perhaps are not aware of this but if a student at Hogwarts is suicidal they have one of two options. One is that they are forced to go to St. Mungo's, or be under constant twenty-four hour supervision at Hogwarts. Now I am quite sure that you do not wish to be under any of these options, but be aware that if you do not come in the evening, this is what you are facing," Snape said gravely.

"This is so stupid! I don't need your help and you can't help me!" Draco scoffed and went through the door.

At that, Snape sighed hoping that Draco would not do something he would regret.

--

_Please review and tell me what you think!_


	3. Vengeance

_I decided to update so it is a lucky day for anyone who liked this story. _

Severus Snape was just grading essays that he considered to be, for the most part, ghastly when he heard a knock on the door.

He put down his quill, and stood up to open the wooden door. Upon opening it, there stood Draco Malfoy looking worse than ever. He had a dark bruise by his eye and he could not stand up straight as if all of his wounds were burdening a weight on him.

"Come in, Draco," Snape said with concern.

Draco limped into the room, his face down, as if ashamed. Snape followed him closely and pulled up a chair, which he motioned for him to sit upon.

"What happened, Draco?" Severus said looking into Draco's eyes and trying to find out the answer.

A tear skidded across his pale and broken cheek, and he took his hand and moved it as if trying to say 'leave me alone.'

"Who did this to you?" Snape asked in a mellifluous tone.

"Them."

"Death Eaters?"

Draco barely could make a nod in concurrence.

"They told me to meet them. I went. I had to be punished for my grievances."

"Where are you hurt?"

Draco just shrugged.

"I don't know—I don't know anything anymore," Draco said feebly as tears fell. He could not hold his head up even, it just sort of lolled.

With compassion, Severus took Draco's ruffled cloak and his shirt to care for the wounds. There were many, surrounding his entire surface.

Draco could not hold back the tears.

"It's going to be okay…I'll take care of you…"

The next day Snape was in his classroom, teaching Potions. He watched curiously as the students walked in. He was glad to see that Draco decided to come after all that had happened.

When everyone had settled into their seats, it became apparent that Harry Potter realized that something had happened to Draco.

"What happened, Malfoy? Lost a fight to someone – well that wouldn't be the first!" Harry Potter scoffed.

Everyone in the classroom started laughing.

"Twenty points, Potter," Snape said apathetically when he was writing instructions on the board, "And if I hear another imbecilic derision again from you I will double it, " he said turning back to glare at him.

Draco was silently trying to look or show emotions, but he was obviously strongly affected.

Harry became quiet, but he gave a look to his friend Run, who was trying to stop the laughter from coming.

In Care of Magical Creatures, the hostility ensued. Today the class was in the forest studying Thestrals.

"If you would know Potter, if you would know, you would regret saying those things to to me!" Draco suddenly yelled out.

"Oh really? What are you going to do? You have no courage to do anything!" Harry said contemptuously.

"You really think so? Well you're wrong! And you'll see, _you'll see_."

"Oh, I'm _really_ scared now!"

"_CRUCIO!_"

Hagrid turned back from the activity, but without a wand or an umbrella, he came into a shock.

Meanwhile the commotion, Harry was writhing on the floor in torment.

"Malfoy!" roared Hagrid, "You stop that right now!"

But Draco was unfazed, he had a menacing glare in his eyes, this was not the same Draco.

Hagrid ran to his hut for his umbrella - tripping in his haste and worry.

Nobody knew what to do, or how to repel such a powerful spell.

After sometime, Hagrid came back with his umbrella to stop the spell, and he did – only Harry was unconscious.

_Please review to tell me what you think. I really appreciate it. _


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